I just finished replaying Cry of Fear. I havne't beaten it again since 2021 when I discovered it through pyrocynical's vid. Something about personifying your inner demons and running and fighting them is such a horrific way is oddly comforting. I want to make a game like it some day.

Life got me feeling like both these simons at once

My addiction won! I was doing so well for like 2 weeks and then it clawed its way back and held me for like a week. I just got a hold of myself today. I hope this means it's on its ddying breaths, and just won't go down without a bloody fight.

Can you tell me where Armand Christophe is hiding?

Ughh I really don't wanna worry about taxes... UPDATE: IM STARTING IM BRAVE

modarchive.org is awesome

YOU CAN LOVE AGAIN IF YOU TRY AGAIN

I just found my old Flipnotes. My hatena Id was id:cjd if you want to see for yourself! https://archive.sudomemo.net/user/5C00F620A0E8C2E5@DSi?page=1

cant stop comparing myself to real artists (in the discouraging way)

FUCK I JUST WISH I COULD MEET SOMEONE LIKE ME!!

I need to treat game dev like a second job. Gonna be working 60 hr weeks oh god this better be worth it.

We should not just set it on fire!

I am SICK and TIRED of falling for my stupid fucking addiction. It's not even like an addictive substance, it's that my brain has rewired itself to crave this thing even when

I hate that americans are being viewed less favorably. I think there are still many good americans who are trying their best to be good in a bad world, but they have to struggle so much that their good isnt noticed. So americans as a whole get defined by the bad, and I guess I dont blame the world for making that definition, I just wish they knew about the good. Feel so powerless. selfishly, speaking, IM an american, and that means many people hate ME just because of that. what can i even do?? i dont want to be hated!! And I dont want people to suffer because of other bad americans! I fucking WISH the government would stop their stupid fucking war and stupid fucking tariffs and stupid fucking bigotry and stupid fucking capitalism. But like Im just one guy who lives very far away from the government and is very very scared of dying. What the fuck can I do????? I guess I should start trying to convince my right-wing family to change their minds? I guess Ive just always been too afraid since Ive always been the black sheep and dont want to be pushed away even more. guess thats selfish right. what do i do...

I don't think I can allow myself to play games very much while my own game is incomplete. I seriously need to limit myself, because today I didn't limit myself and I spent all day gaming and feeling guilty about gaming. It took the fun out of it.

Feeling very powerless due to how society is (stfu i already know youre thinking of the we live in a society meme but just bear with me cuz society is seriously depressing). How did I avoid this feeling only a few years ago?

Sometimes I like to play the Sims 3 (I would play the others as well, 3 is just the one I happen to own), and I see how much my Sims do throughout the day... and it makes me a little inspired. I sometimes spend entire weekends playing games, whereas I make my Sims read skill books, practice their hobbies, foster their relationships, etc. So what I do sometimes is imagine myself as a Sim.

I just had to spend so much time deleting files and uninstalling apps from my C drive on windows because steam literally kept crashing when I tried to update phasmophobia. It was very inconvenient, but it did force me to reconsider everything that's necessary and unnecessary on my PC. I'm hoping to finish cleaning up my files sometimes this month.

Far Cry Primal

I just finished Far Cry Primal, today on June 7th, 2026! Well, the completion percentage is only about 75%, but as far as I'm aware there are no more story missions or even side quests; all that remains are collectibles. Eventually I'm gonna go back to finish it. I LOVED it! I love all the Far Cry games; flawed as they are (I've played 3, 4, 5, and Primal as of now). When I play these games, I so often feel like they are so close to being amazing, but they are held back by very simple problems. You can just feel how the devs are pouring so much passion in what they do, especially when it comes to worldbuilding. I have so many distinct memories of coming across setpieces hand-placed by the devs. Far Cry 4, for instance, had a whole bunch of mini-narratives in each subregion, such as the daughter who joins the Golden Path and is implied to have been murdered by The Goat, or the American film crew who get kidnapped one by one by Noore's men. Primal's storytelling is almost entirely visual, done through beautiful cave paintings, trails of blood, and items scattered around. Contrary to that though, are all repetitive missions, the unnatural quest stucture, and the contrived NPC behavior. I was literally trying to hunt an Elk, and in this process I kept running in circles and eventually learned, "Here's where the deer spawn. Here's where the friendly Wenja spawn. Here's where a skirmish spawns. Here's where the rare Elk sometimes spawns, because contrary to what the map says, it's not an actual Elk hunting spot." Like come on! Far Cry always has these super cool dynamic interactions between factions, but you're gonna make it either super predictable, or make it so random events revolve around the player like Takkar is the center of the solar system. I don't want that!! I want to see naturally emergent quests with unique plots and gameplay! I want enemies and animals to be persistent, or at the very least, their spawns should be a little more interesting! I want the story to do its super cool meta thing with the player, while also having a strong protagonist that you sometimes root for, and sometimes want to distance yourself ludonarratively! I want to struggle to get cool weapons, and have to scramble to pick up guns off the ground until eventually, for a short while, I own some amazing weapon!

This is my dream Far Cry game. A game where the developers are given the time that they need to make an amazing game. To keep me engaged for the entire 50 hours of gameplay. To make Far Cry as significant as a series as The Elder Scrolls. To give this series a game that it deserves! They have been so close for so long. I just hope one day they can do it.

There's one more thing I wanted to talk about. When I finish a game, I tend to get pretty melancholic about it. I just went on an adventure and had so much fun... and now it's over (worse yet, I gotta go back to work tomorrow). To be honest, Far Cry Primal has been a bit of a distraction for me. I don't make progress on my goals when I play huge games like this, which makes me feel incredibly guilty. Therefore, I'm making a promise to myself. I now forbid myself from playing Far Cry until I accomplish my goals. The moment that I'm successful, I will jump back into the world, lean back on the couch, and relax, enjoying the beautiful land of Oros as a reward. Until then, I just can't do it any longer.